May 16

10 Things You Won’t Find In A Godly Marriage



A great article from Matthew Jacobson at

Could you stand up in a room and say, without embarrassment, “We’re not perfect but even so, I encourage you to follow our example in marriage?”

A godly couple can say this because of what’s missing from their marriage (and because of what’s there, but that’s another article). Sometimes it’s good when certain things go missing.

Here are 10 that have no place in a godly relationship:

1. A Sharp Tongue

It can be easy to cut with words when things don’t go our way but, in a godly marriage, neither spouse yields to this ungodly impulse. (James 3:8)

2. A Good Memory (When It Comes to Offenses)

A good memory can be very bad. After we repent of our sins before God, He doesn’t then commit them to memory so they can be thrown in our faces the next time we need to repent. The Bible says that God forgets our sins. When we repent and ask forgiveness of each other, they should never be referenced again. Remembering and repeating past wrongs will prevent the true fellowship that always follows true forgiveness. We are called to forgive as God has forgiven. (Col. 3:13)

3. A Neglect of the Bibilical Order in Marriage

In today’s culture, it’s practically hate speech by now, but if you desire to have a marriage ordered according to God’s structure and standards, read and live by Ephesians chapter 5.

4. A Lack of Care for How Each Other Is Doing

Godly love engenders a genuine concern for one’s spouse. Communicating that love is as easy as, “Hey, how are you doing … really?” Love is kind (1 Cor. 13:4).

5. A Short Temper Or Easily Offended

Godly couples are slow to become angry (1 Cor. 13:5).

6. An Unwillingness to Sustain Difficulty

Godly couples have settled in for the long haul. Remember the old vow, “In sickness and in health?” Godly love bears all things (1 Cor. 13:7).

7. Pride

Pride says, “Notice me, talk about me, and focus on me.” The first thing you’ll hear or notice from a godly spouse is, “It’s not about me” (1 Cor. 13:4).

8. A Tearing Down of One Another

Godly couples are busy … too busy lifting each other up to have the time to tear each other down by speaking negatively to others.

9. Thinking Less Than the Best of Each Other

Godly couples love first and ask questions later. They assume the best of the other person (1 Cor. 13:7).

10. Taking Pleasure in Each Other’s Failings

Love doesn’t rejoice when someone sins or falls, but rejoices in the truth (1 Cor. 13:6).

It’s easy to get busy with life and treat marriage like it is something that is happening to us, instead of something we are doing. Maybe you’ve removed all of these negative, sinful behaviors from your marriage. If so, great! But, if not, take responsibility for what you are bringing to the relationship and take action to ensure these things are “missing” from your marriage — at least for the part of the relationship God entrusted to you … your part.